I have a very similar experience, also living in a section of New York with a large immigrant demographic. I wish I had a nickel for every unbelievably witty remark I've made in the elevator, only to meet an uncomprehending shrug from the non-English-speaking other occupant. (I suppose it's possible that some of them did speak English and just didn't think I was funny...) I agree with you that friendly energy and a smile actually communicate a great deal. I actually don't have much deeper relationships with many of the people in my building who do speak English -- just more small talk.

Of course, language sure does come in handy when there are decisions to be made, like at co-op shareholders meetings...

In any case, I like the "microcosmic" solutions you describe. I agree that practicing an accepting attitude not only leads to a better quality of life, but sets an important example in every interaction. I try to do that, too, but too often forget to keep it in mind, so I appreciate the reminder.

I know very well that New York can feel like a tremendously alienated place, but it is also the most tolerant place I have ever lived. More homogeneous places may be warmer on the outside, but in my experience it is a very thin veneer that slides away with the first sign of non-conformity. New Yorkers can be very suspicious of each other, but I think a lot of what looks like fear is really a well-practiced indifference in the face of so much stimulation. It's usually also a very thin veneer, that slides away as soon as someone makes contact (as you have found in the elevator). When the walls of indifference that divide us come down, New Yorkers are uncommonly willing to help each other, in my experience.

You don't have to take my word for it: Reader's Digest (!) did a study of how "polite" (meaning courteous and willing to help each other out) the people were in a whole bunch of cities around the world. Guess who came in first?

I wonder what you think can be done on a more macrocosmic level to deal with the culture of fear. In slight contradiction to my own initial post, I wonder if this culture is really "growing" or not. In many ways, people seem less afraid of "other" in this country than they did, say 50 years ago. There is still too much homophobia, for example, but are people more afraid of gays and lesbians now than they were then? Or of different ethnic groups? As frightening as I found the sales job that the Bush Administration did to push the Iraq War, when I look at the propaganda posters that were used to push past wars, they seem even more galling. It seems much harder than it used to be to perpetuate a blatantly racist archetype and get the public to eat it up.

I think exposure has been the key, and is the key to the great distance still to come. When people rub elbows in elevators, they come to recognize each other's common humanity. They aren't quite as susceptible to stereotypes and fear mongering. So what can be done about all the people in this country who don't encounter diversity in their daily lives? What do you think?